by Bronwyn O’Neill

Since I was around twelve or thirteen, I realised my body would never fit the stick figure body type. It wasn’t something I was over excited about. In my eyes, tall, skinny girls were the most beautiful things ever. However being five foot three, I knew I would never reach the tall part of my dream girl.

I struggled with being curvy when every “pretty” girl I knew was so tiny. To me, that body standard was the norm. And that was the only figure that meant anything. They were the beautiful ones and I would never reach that.

One of the prettiest girls I knew was a tiny size six, with an A-cup bra size. By the time I was thirteen I was wearing a D-cup bra. I used to get so nervous before going to get a bra fitting. What if I had gone up in size? The usual answer was yes.

I would get so upset when the lady who measured me told me my new size. Afterwards, I would have to trawl through ugly, beige bras. Every time I went shopping in my early teens, I would look at the gorgeous bras that were aimed towards A and B cups. Envy would make my blood boil. Why couldn’t they make them three or four sizes bigger?

The larger bra size did not cater towards young girls. They were either too maternal or too sexy. Neither of which I felt at the age of thirteen. So, I donned my beige bra and glared enviously at the pretty floral bras.

Having a fuller bust made it difficult to do PE. Sports bras barely fit over my chest, so I tended to get moody around the time of exercise. For five out of the six years of my secondary school life, my PE teacher was male. So, they would never understand my pain at holding my boobs while jogging the length of the gym.

Another thing that made me uncomfortable about having a fuller figure was the leering looks. At the age of fifteen I ventured into the big city of Dublin for my Transition Year work experience. I was wearing a blouse or something professional for my first day of “work”. I innocently asked the gruff bus driver for a child’s ticket into the city centre. His gaze dropped from my face to my breasts and asked me what age I was.

My whole face drained of colour and I had never been so nervous whilst I replied with a dry mouth my age. He shrugged and gave me my ticket. But I was still shaken until I arrived at the building where I was to work for five days. Yes, I was fifteen and yes I had boobs and hips. My top wasn’t inappropriate, a problem I had with most tops. It was not low cut but still my boobs were brought into question.

Of course, I thought that if I was smaller this would never happen. If I fitted that beautiful model body, I would never get unwanted attention like that. Only boys my own age would think I was stunning. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen.

Another part of having a “curvy” body type, are wide hips. These are still a challenge whilst trying to squeeze into seats in lecture halls. However, the first time I really noticed this was on a swing. Yes, I was on a swing. I was visiting my little cousins and I was playing outside with them. I tried to fit into the swing seat, a seat I had fitted comfortably into only a few months prior. My hips were squeezed into the now narrow seat.

So, my hips had widened and how I had to face it. In school, trying to squeeze into narrow desks was a struggle. At times I would hit tables with my hips or my ass and try to play it off. I could fake joke about it, except I didn’t find it funny. Still everyone was so tiny and skinny, no boobs, no hips. It was still the perfect body to me.

It wasn’t until around a year ago when I finally got comfortable with my body. Unfortunately, it took me this long because in my opinion popular culture doesn’t promote curvy women. In any tv show or film, the main character is a stunning stick figure girl. Any curvy women, like Nicki Minaj or Kim Kardashian, are mostly ridiculed for their body type. Maybe because they are sexualised in the public eye. I don’t know. However, I felt this negative view from a young age.

Getting into a positive mind set about my body was difficult. However I now am more comfortable with my curves. Of course, I still think that the skinny, model figure is the most beautiful body type. Although, now I am happy that I don’t fit into that body type. My curves make me who I am, they make me unique.

Now we need to make the curvy, fuller sized girl a positive thing. Not a sexualised body type, especially for young girls. And to end on a cheesy note, to  all the young girls out there struggling with their body image, whether it be you feel too skinny or too heavy, you are still beautiful and you need to love yourself no matter what.